matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
