My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
