I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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