I need to stop coming to work sober
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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