did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
