This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
