Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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