eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
