it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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