she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
