We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
