But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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