Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
