I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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