wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
