we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
