Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
