So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
