Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Never underestimate the power of titties
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