i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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