So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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