p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
