i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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