did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm always down for nudity.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
