my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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