i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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