who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
