He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
