You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
