you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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