would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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