The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
