He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
