ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
