if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
