HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize