you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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