I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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