Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
