Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
