There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
