"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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