8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
