Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
