...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
