If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
