i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
