where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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