oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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