Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize