i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
