it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
