if only i could text you this smell
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
