There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im holly from the hills drunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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