The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize