Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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