Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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