he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
