Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
