If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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