party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize