this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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