So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
