She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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