google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
FUCK WHALES
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize