if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
