i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Pooping to opera.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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