Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
