at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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