Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
