YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
