yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
