"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
that is very illegal...i love you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
