This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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