Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
