Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
