she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
