i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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