Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
