My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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