is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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