i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize