I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
