I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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