NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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