Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize