Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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