My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
