I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
