if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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