It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Found the puke drawer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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