I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize