Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
