Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
