in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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