So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
