I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sorry my hands just texted you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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