youre lurking in front of me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize