i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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